Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
