I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
