OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
