True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
