how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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