living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
