my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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