i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
