I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
