Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
