She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
