He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
