This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
