Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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