there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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