I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
