I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
