He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
