i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
