So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
