I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
