I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
