My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
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