Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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