Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
