am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
