Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
