Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
