Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
