someone get that fucking seahorse.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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