24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
