Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
