Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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