just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
