Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
