I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
