Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
