i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
