How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
