White coat. Heels.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
