Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Randomize
