so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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