Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
