He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
