If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
