friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
