conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
