turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
