oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
