Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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