so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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