I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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